Note: I read this divinely penned letter of a mother to a daughter who is engaged to be married. In most eastern culture, we have this tradition of offering pre-nuptial counselling to children who are set to get married by the parents. This open letter is full of love and wisdom where our young generation can glean inspiration from. As I was reading this, I was deeply moved and wish someone had given me the same indepth advice before I got married. It's so compelling that with the writer's permission and blessing, you my readers will also allow me to share this with you.
I cannot advice you on relationships or marriage. There are those who are wiser than me who can and will. Perhaps advice you more than you want to hear.
What I want to tell you is how to keep your relationship to yourself intact and beautiful. Here is the thing, no matter how lovely the marriage or relationship, there comes a time when you miss being with yourself. And then you will be restless, agitated, worried. You may then get upset or sad or angry at your partner.
The root is you did not nourish yourself. And how can you do that?
No matter how much in love you are, no matter how fantastic the honeymoon, take time to practice silence and solitude. In silence, you will come to rest by your side, to sleep with the spirit of your being, to love the person you are.
Pour on yourself kindness for days are not always the same. You may be hurt or you may hurt someone. Teach yourself the art of being water—flowing always. Move on.
Fertilize yourself with confidence. For when confidence is gone, the soil of your being goes limp. How do you do that? Keep challenging yourself with new tasks, new pursuits or increase complexity of whatever you are doing. Put yourself in difficult situations and practice unraveling it. And appreciate yourself when you succeed and forgive when you don’t and try again.
Give yourself the sunlight of love. Your partner may not be always able to do that. They are also on a journey. Learn the art of hugging yourself, to give yourself a treat, to make yourself feel special, to tease and frolic with yourself. And know that is often enough, no matter what others say.
Teach yourself the courage to stand up. If you are mistreated, discriminated, muted, erased, violated, do not be afraid to stand and speak up. Yes, you won’t be liked for that. But if you don’t do it, you won’t like yourself for long. And when you don’t like yourself, you will be restless and upset and sad and agitated.
And if perchance things go south, and you are uncomfortable and unsafe, if I am alive, find me. Don’t suffer it alone.
But for now, my dear, practice silence and solitude, so you may come to rest by your side, to sleep with the spirit of your being, to love the person you are.
And through that walk with your partner, grounded and in joy.
Blessings of Peace always,
17 November 2015