Humour is reason gone mad. ~Groucho Marx
"According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, you're actually a few million years late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams." ~Tom Retterbush
“An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it makes a better soup.” ~H.L. Mencken, A Book of Burlesques
"Behind every man who thinks he wears the pants … is a wife who told him which pants to wear." ~Coffee and Jelly Beans
"Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of paper with fire on one end and a fool on the other end.” ~Anon
"Every author in some way portrays himself in his works, even if it be against his will." ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"God made men by baking them in an oven, but he forgot about the first batch, and that's how Black people were born. And then he was so anxious about the next batch, he took them out of the oven too soon, so that's how White people were made. But the third batch he let cook until they were golden-golden-golden, and, honey, that's you and me." ~Sandra Cisneros
"I always wondered if you clone your wife and have the cloned wife on the moon and the real wife down here, would that be considered cheating?" ~Luis Guzman
"I don't understand why in banks pens are always attached to strings. We trust them with our money and they can't even trust us with just one pen." ~Anon
"I dream of a better tomorrow where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives." ~Groucho Marx
"Every author in some way portrays himself in his works, even if it be against his will." ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"God made men by baking them in an oven, but he forgot about the first batch, and that's how Black people were born. And then he was so anxious about the next batch, he took them out of the oven too soon, so that's how White people were made. But the third batch he let cook until they were golden-golden-golden, and, honey, that's you and me." ~Sandra Cisneros
"I always wondered if you clone your wife and have the cloned wife on the moon and the real wife down here, would that be considered cheating?" ~Luis Guzman
"I don't understand why in banks pens are always attached to strings. We trust them with our money and they can't even trust us with just one pen." ~Anon
"I dream of a better tomorrow where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives." ~Groucho Marx
"I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge." ~Anon
"I promise to be an excellent husband, but give me a wife who, like the moon, will not appear every day in my sky." ~Anton Chekhov
"I've never felt like I was born with a silver spoon at all, although I've felt like howling at the moon a lot of times!" ~Van Morrison
"I've written a lot of books which are written from the moon - the view from nowhere." ~Clifford Geertz
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." ~Groucho Marx
"If a man writes a book, let him set down only what he knows. I have guesses enough of my own." ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.” ~Johnny Carson
"If you can take our land why can't you take a joke?" ~Jinx Yeo, CHINESE Comedian
"It's nice to turn the other cheek but what I'm saying is don't slap yourself." ~Douglas Lim (Malaysian Commedian, Minister of Revenge, ) Laugh Therapy
"Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea." ~Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
"Most people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon." ~H. L. Mencken
"Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like." ~Arnold Bennett
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." ~Groucho Marx
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies." ~Groucho Marx
"She may look like an idiot, talks like an idiot but don't let that fool you, she really is an idiot" ~Groucho Marx
"Some people think that doctors and nurses can put scrambled eggs back into the shell" ~Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"Sometimes a man's purpose to a woman's life is to help her become a better woman .... for another man." ~Anon
“The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.” ~Mark Russell
"The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open." ~Groucho Marx
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.” ~Groucho Marx
"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls." ~George Carlin
"There's a scale of diner pleasure: the grunt scale." ~Matt Preston, Masterchef Judge, Funny Quote
"There’s more old Drunkards than old Doctors" ~Benjamin Franklin
"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." ~Ernest Hemingway, (born in 1899)
OTHERS: SARCASM
"Excessive honesty often borders on stupidity." ~Anon
"I promise to be an excellent husband, but give me a wife who, like the moon, will not appear every day in my sky." ~Anton Chekhov
"I've never felt like I was born with a silver spoon at all, although I've felt like howling at the moon a lot of times!" ~Van Morrison
"I've written a lot of books which are written from the moon - the view from nowhere." ~Clifford Geertz
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." ~Groucho Marx
"If a man writes a book, let him set down only what he knows. I have guesses enough of my own." ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.” ~Johnny Carson
"If you can take our land why can't you take a joke?" ~Jinx Yeo, CHINESE Comedian
"It's nice to turn the other cheek but what I'm saying is don't slap yourself." ~Douglas Lim (Malaysian Commedian, Minister of Revenge, ) Laugh Therapy
"Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea." ~Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
"Most people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon." ~H. L. Mencken
"Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like." ~Arnold Bennett
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." ~Groucho Marx
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies." ~Groucho Marx
"She may look like an idiot, talks like an idiot but don't let that fool you, she really is an idiot" ~Groucho Marx
"Some people think that doctors and nurses can put scrambled eggs back into the shell" ~Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"Sometimes a man's purpose to a woman's life is to help her become a better woman .... for another man." ~Anon
“The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.” ~Mark Russell
"The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open." ~Groucho Marx
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.” ~Groucho Marx
"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls." ~George Carlin
"There's a scale of diner pleasure: the grunt scale." ~Matt Preston, Masterchef Judge, Funny Quote
"There’s more old Drunkards than old Doctors" ~Benjamin Franklin
"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." ~Ernest Hemingway, (born in 1899)
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OTHERS: SARCASM
"Excessive honesty often borders on stupidity." ~Anon
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