"Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues." ~Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
"Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think." ~Ambrose Bierce- US author & satirist (1842 - 1914)
"Clock, n.: A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him." ~Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
"Compromise, n.: Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due." ~Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
"Diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country." ~Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
"Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured." ~Ambrose Bierce
"Grammar, n.: A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction." ~Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
"Habit, n.: A shackle for the free." ~Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
"I is the first letter of the alphabet, the first word of the language, the first thought of the mind, the first object of affection." ~Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
"Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by the removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient." ~Ambrose Bierce
"Marriage: a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two." ~Ambrose Bierce
"Misfortune, n.: The kind of fortune that never misses." ~Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
"Opportunity is a favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment." ~Ambrose Bierce
"Quotation, noun: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another." ~Ambrose Bierce
"Sweater: a garment worn by child when its MOTHER is feeling chilly." ~Ambrose Bierce
"Yesterday, n.: The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age." ~Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
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