"A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once" ~Phyllis Diller
"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight." ~Phyllis Diller
"Cleaning your house while the kids are still growing, is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing." ~Phyllis Diller
"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them." ~Phyllis Diller
"Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But, everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." ~Phyllis Driller
"Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going." ~Phyllies Diller (1917 -)
"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor." ~Phyllis Diller
"My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual." ~Phyllis Diller
"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up." ~Phyllis Diller
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